Letters from Robin – Operation Russell Beach (Part 1)

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Thanks for stopping by again today! I love the connections that my decision to share Robin’s letters on my blog have made for me. I never would have thought I would have so many of Robin’s brothers from Vietnam, none so far that knew him personally, but all who shared a common bond, would be so willing to welcome me into their group, and even more share information with me. I know for many those memories are painful, and I am forever grateful for the new insights that have been bestowed upon me.

I had been trying to share letters in some chronological order, however, today I am skipping ahead to January 1969. As I was scanning some photos, I realized one of them had “Operation Russell Beach” written on the back. This of course led me to more research. The photo was not dated, but I found that the operation was in the January – February time frame. I looked through letters, and found two dated 1/25 and 1/27 that spoke of a being in the field on an operation, so putting two and two together (I’m smart like that LOL!) these letters must be about Operation Russell Beach.

According to the internet, Operation Russell Beach was combined effort of the Army, Navy, Marines and ARVN (Army of the Republic of Vietnam) forces in the Batangan Peninsula 20 miles southeast of Chu Lai. The goal was removal of Vietnamese civilian refugees in order to move forward to root out enemy troops and fortifications. The Americal Division units, comprised of the 5-46 Inf. and the 4-3 Inf. (note 4-3 Inf was Robin’s unit). The operation concluded in July, with the resettlement of more than 12,000 refugees after clearing the area of the enemy.

I will admit, that this letter made me cry.

Be sure to scroll down past these photos, I have transcribed the letter there! (One of my friends didn’t realize it and tried to read the written letter! :)

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25 Jan 69

Dear Mom & Dad,

We are still out in the field on that operation. I hope by now you get the letter with the article in it. I  hope you got the film too. I sent it in with a man from my squad who had to go to Chu Lai.

(I think this is the article he mentions)

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I’m sorry I hadn’t written in so long. I hope you didn’t worry about me. I hate to think of all the parents back home worrying about their boys, especially you. Really Vietnam isn’t all the bad.

I forgot to tell you about the new LZ we helped build to support this operation. Anyway, its called LZ South. We spent the first two day up on there then we came down and took part in the cordon. Well on the night of the 20th (Note: I checked the sitreps for Jan ’69 and I believe it was actually the 23rd) LZ South got mortared, 2 guys were killed and 15 wounded. One of the guys was in our company except he was with radar. He had been in Recon about a month, he came over the same time I did. I didn’t really know him but he was a nice guy and alot of us felt pretty bad about it. It’s things like that that makes me hate VC. the attack might have been part of the Tet Offensive, maybe not. We haven’t run into anything out here. If we have a battalion trapped like they say, they don’t want to fight.

Yesterday we got 4 new replacements in Recon. Now I have 12 in my squad counting me. One of the new guys in my squad (I got 2 of the 4) is from Harrisburg (note: Pennsylvania). Just think they have more than 11 months to go and I have about 7 more. In 41 days I’ll be half finished. (Note: Little did he know in 43 days he would be killed.)

Right now we’re dug in in the middle of a big sweet potato field. there must be 10 acres of sweet potatoes here. The cordon is tightening a little at a time. I don’t think we will be out here for the final days of the operation. We are supposed to go up on South in about 2 days.

I got some letters from those kids. Almost all of them asked about that thing on the helicopter. (Note: in one of Robin’s pictures there was a helicpoter with a dolphin nose emblem, I guess I must have asked about it as well. I remember him mentioning it is another letter. I did a Google Search and found that it is a logo for the 174th Assualt Helicopter Co)

I’ve been meaning to ask you to send me a couple sticks of pepperoni and sardines and canned fruit or better yet those little cans of juice. One guy in the squad gets pepperoni alot his parents wrap it in tin foil. I also have developed a taste for sardines in mustard sauce. That’s just a few ideas. Of course don’t send too big of a package. If you send to much stuff and then I get it and find out we have to move I can’t carry it all and some of it gets left behind.

Well I can’t think of much else to say. I hope everybody is doing find at home. I’ll close for now and try to write more often.

Love,

Robin

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Robin continued to be worried about those at home be worried about him. I love that he asked for sardines, my mom and dad both loved them. Me, not so much, then or now!

This is a picture of the helicopter with the logo. I cheated and snapped the photo with my IPhone. I’m all comfy and can’t reach the scanner!!

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Chopper with 174th Assualt Helicopter Logo

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Letters from – Battalion Recon

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The letter I am sharing today was written about three weeks after Robin arrived in Vietnam. I found this letter interesting as he writes details on a mission. .

I’m including a link to the Alpha Company 4/3 Sitreps for Sept 1968. Sitreps are situation reports for every day. I am not sure exactly what day Robin was on the above mission, I’d have to go back and look at the order of his letters and today I have no time for that! These Sitreps were obtained by Bruce, the gentleman who contacted me about the flag I mentioned in my last post, by going to archives in College Park, MD.

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28 Sept 68

Dear Mom & Dad,

I received your letter last night. I was very happy to hear from you. We only get mail up here about every other day or sometimes every three days.

You asked in your letter how I got from Bien Hoa to Chu-Lai, I flew up on a military transport. Also I flew from California on a Northwest-Orient 707. We had stewardess’s and the works. We had about 5 or 6 meals during the flight. (I was just re-reading the letter I got, it’s the one from Dad, and you (Dad) ask me if mother told me you went camping? This is the only letter I have received from home. Did you write one before?)

The unit I am in is not exactly a long range recon unit. It is the battalion recon platoon. Every batallion has one. Most of the time they use us almost like line company, but I haven’t been here long enough to really say. The recon unit itself is only a platoon size. The rest of the company is made up of a 4.2 inch mortar platoon and a ground surveillance platoon (radar).

Since I wrote last we have had about 5 missions. The night I wrote the last letter we went on an ambush patrol. The only thin that happened was about 42 guys getting soaking wet, it rained all night. I thought the day would never come. The next day we had off, I slept most of the day. The day after that we got another mission. We had to recon a valley where a company was going to make a sweep through. They wanted to know very simply if a company could move through it easily. The next day we had a CA (Combat Assualt) into a valley right near here. That’s a helicopter assult. The we joined in a sweep with another company. We just got on line and every village and hooch we came to we rounded up all the people and took them with us, and searched the place real quick. By the end of the day there were over 500 people. It was near the beach so we took them all out there near a little fishing village. The village was on the beach. When we got there we found a bunch of South Vietnamese soldiers already there. They had gone into the village and found three NVA and killed them. I saw the bodies. It wasn’t a very pretty site but it didn’t really bother me. One was shot through the head and one had a couple holes in him, I don’t know which one killed him. The third was hit by a grenade launcher, it hit him in the shoulder and the shrapnel was all over the upper part of his body. They got another one while we were sitting on the beach waiting for word to go back to Thunder. They dug up a tunnel and found him down there, they shot some grenades down the hole and wounded him. Then they brought him out and killed him. The ARVN (note: Army of the Republic of Vietnam) soldiers are very brutal, they have no respect for life. Another thing out of all the people we herded out of their houses there was not one single middle-aged man or woman. The oldest kid you see is about 13 yrs old, the rest are old people.

Yesterday and today the platoon went out. I didn’t go. I’m not exactly sure why, they leave behind about 3 guys from each squad. One reason might be because they got word that a few people are going to be sent to other units because we are over-sized right now. The word was that the new E-5s would be leaving but the platoon is trying to keep us. So far there has been no definite word either way. I hope I stay because that would really mess up my mailing address, I might lose some mail in the change. Until I find out for sure don’t send any packages or anything valuable. I suppose you already sent my rain jacket.

The loss of my records might create a little problem, especially in the financial section. Come pay day I might not get paid. But everything will work itself out.

This place is really pretty nice. They have a mess hall that serves good chow, the only time we eat C’s is when we go out and then we are usually back  by supper time. They show a movie every night too, so this place isn’t too bad.

Well write soon and often, mail doesn’t come often and I like to get alot.

Love,

Robin

This photo is from sometime later, Robin did not have a camera as of this time, but I wanted to share a photo or two in each post!

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Letters From Robin – Thunder Mountain

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Today’s letter was written on Robin’s first full day at his new “home” LZ (Landing Zone) Thunder. Even in the midst of war, Robin saw the beauty of the land.

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I’ve included this map from the Buff Grunt website to show you were the places Robin talks about are located.

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23 Sept 68

Dear Mom & Dad,

I’m writing to you from my new home. LZ THUNDER is it’s name. It’s up on top of a hill not far from Duc Pho. Its beautiful up here. It’s right near the coast and the side of the hill my bunker is on overlooks a big valley. It must be more than a mile across to the next mountain range. I wish I had a camera that could take a picture of it. All day there is a wind blowing across the hill. I can look down and see the peasants working in the fields, they look like ants from up here.

I got here yesterday afternoon about 1500 hrs. We flew from Chu Lai to Duc Pho on a Chinook helicopter. Then we went to the base camp where we met our First Sergeant and got our ruck-sacks and weapons, put all the necessary equipment in the packs and rode up here to Thunder.

They gave us a real nice reception. They’re always glad to get replacements. I’m the assistant squad leader of the 3rd squad. The funny thing is the squad leader is also an E-5 from NCO school who just got her the day before I did. I’ve never heard of 2 E-5s to one squad but I’m not going to argue. Two heads are better than one. Most everybody up here is new, and they have plenty of men. There are only 3 squads in the Recon platoon and each has 12 or 13 men apiece. We are also going to get a new platoon leader today or tomorrow.

I don’t know how long it will be before we go on an operation. All we do right now is pull bunker guard at night. There was 4 of us last night so it broke down to 2 1/2 hrs apiece. The good thing about it is we don’t do a thing in the day, not a thing. Just lay around and sleep or write or read books or anything. I could do this for a whole year because it is really nice on this hill.

The rains are going to start soon so send me that jacket I bought.

One other thing before I left Chu Lai we had to fill out a Hometown News Release paper, everybody in the Division has to fill it out and at the bottom they ask if you want it sent to the newspapers and I signed it yes. They guy said that it is sent to every newspaper within a hundred mile radius. So keep your eyes open it should take a week or more. They keep that paper at Chu-Lai and if somebody in the Division does something heroic they just get the paper and somebody does a story on it and sends it to the states.

Take Care, tell Nana Buehler and Miller I said Hit! Write often and don’t worry.

Love,

Robin

 

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I had something pretty cool come out of my research yesterday!

I had sent an email to one  a webmaster of one of the sites I found that was requesting photos of grave markers, which I had in my files. She contacted me, but also posted on a closed FB group that I was looking for information on Robin. A gentleman, Bruce Flahery, who was in country during the same time Robin was, but did not serve alongside him, then contacted me via FB.

Bruce is part of a group that requests flags for the fallen servicemen from their unit to be flown over the US Capital. A flag for Robin had been flown last Memorial Day, but they did not have a way of contacting us in order to present us with that very flag.

We exchanged and email and a few minutes later I was on the phone with Bruce. What a nice man. He spends his own time making sure that those who lost their lives in Vietnam are never forgotten!

I will share more on this in another post.

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Random Tuesday Thoughts

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My heart goes out to all those impacted by the horrific tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. I can not imagine. I know I’ve been going through some family “stuff” here, but it is dwarfed in comparison to what all of those people will be dealing with for days, weeks, months to come. Mother Nature has no mercy.

Joining in with Stacey at “Stacey Uncorked” for Random Tuesday Thoughts! Thankfully she’s back up and running after a couple of very frustrating days last week with her laptop! Cloning is bad, very very bad!
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It seems as if spring has finally arrived. We’ve had some pretty nice days lately, as well as some rain. It looks like Memorial Day here will be very nice. We have a ceremony and a parade to attend, and a couple years it has been so hot it was uncomfortable for us, not to mention all those in the parade!

I’ve been off work for a couple days. These days have been the most relaxed that I have been in some time. There is still some “anxiety” under the surface, as there are still some unanswered questions, and details that need working out, but I am not living every moment in a heightened state of anxiousness.  Teenagers are tough!

Tara and I went to see Star Trek Into Darkness on Sunday.

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I had won a contest at work and the prize was a $25.00 gift card of my choice. I choose a movie gift card with just this movie in mind!

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The movie was GREAT. The “first” Star Trek movie back in 2009 was the one movie of all time that I saw the most often in the theater. FIVE TIMES. I could have sat through this one several more times on Sunday. I do not know what it is about these movies that make me love them so much. Oh wait, maybe it’s Chris Pine’s beautiful eyes?

We went to a new theater to us, inOaks, Pa,  and on the way in we say this… it reminds me of the globe that was at the World’s Fair in NYC. (Yes, I am old and I was there!)

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 Yesterday (Monday) my mother and I spent time at our storage unit. When I moved back from FL, we combined two households, and Mom already had stuff in storage of her own. I downsized from a house with a garage and two extra rooms. At the time Tara was still into many of her toys, and while she parted with a great deal, she was obviously not ready to part with everything. I am just as guilty. There were several boxes that were never really even unpacked. Many Disney keepsakes, stuff for scrapbooking projects (who am I kidding?) and much more. I was able to get rid of a huge back of trash, and have sorted through some things to get rid of. Tara and I are headed over today for her to take a look at things. Mom’s church is having a Flea Market in a few weeks, maybe we can make some money off the stuff!

I’m working on a Memorial Day blogging project. I have shared the past two days letters that my brother Robin sent home from Vietnam. Robin was killed in Vietnam. I am finding it an interesting project. As I read and transcribe the letters to my blog, I find things I want to know more about. If you get a chance, check out my Letters from Robin series.

Letters from Robin – Destination Chu Lai

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Today I am sharing the first letter Robin sent home once he arrived in Vietnam. It amazes me that at 18 years old he did not seem afraid. He has chosen this as his path in life after high school and in reading all of the letters he seemed “at ease”, with that choice. I may add  a link or two into Robin’s letters, that if you are interested might provide some additional information. (It is also a help for me to keep information I am finding organized!) I wonder what he would have thought of the internet, and mobile phones. The world has changed so much in the 44 years he has been gone!

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12 Sept 1968

Dear Mom & Dad,

How are you doing? I suppose by now your wondering where I am and what I am doing. Well I will start from the beginning.

We landed in Vietnam on Saturday night about 8 o’clock which is 12 hrs ahead of your time. On the plane ride over we stopped in Seattle, Japan and Okinowa. We landed at the Bien Hoa Air Force Base and from there were taken to the 90th Replacement Battalion at Long Bien about 7 miles away. (If you remember before I left there was a thing in the paper about a riot at the stockade at Long Bien.)

It was dark when we go there but they have plenty of electricity. We got a place to sleep and were told we would be there for 2-3 days before our orders came down assigning us to a unit. I was there all day Sunday and Monday at the evening formation (they hold three a day, one in the morning, at noon and before evening chow) on Monday my name was called to go to Chu Lai, and that’s where I am now.

I am now in the Americal Division. This place should sound familiar to you because this is where Bud was at, and there is a good chance I’ll get into the 198th Light Inf. Bde. When you get assigned to the Americal Division, you come here to this base camp where they figure out which one of the three brigades that make up the division to send you to. So it will be either the 196th, 198th, or the 11th Inf Bde. Then when you get your assignment we have to go through a 7 day course which is much like AIT except condensed a lot more. (Note: AIT is advanced individual trainining)

This is the second day I’ve been here, so I should get my assignment tomorrow then I can send you my mailing address and by the time I finish that 7 day course, I should have some mail waiting for me at my company.

The place where I am now is right on the beach. There’s nothing but sand here, but there’s a cool breeze coming off the ocean most of the time. There are helicopters and jets flying over all the time. It isn’t as hot over here as everybody makes it out to be. It might be a little hotter in the jungles but so far I haven’t seen a really hot day.

The Vietnamese people are nice but you can never really tell what they think or say. I don’t trust any of them.

I didn’t have time to finish this yesterday. Last night I went swimming in the Pacific Ocean. The water was very warm. I went with a new friend Sgt. Behe. He graduated from NCO school a week ahead of me. the mosquitoes almost ate us alive last night.

This morning we got assignments. Sgt. Behe and I are going to the same place. E Co. 4 BN 3rd Inf. 11th Lgt. Inf Bde. So now you can write to me. By the time I finish the course here and get to my unit I can have mail waiting for me. Behe asked one of the Sgts. that’s been here awhile what kind of unit it was. He said it is a Long Range Recon which is a pretty good deal. I hope that’s what it is, I’ll find out I guess.

Lee is going into the army today. I hope everything works out for him.

One other thing, while I was at Long Bien somebody stole my bag and my camera was in it along with my health and financial records. I’ll be able to get new records made but it makes me mad about the camera. Well that’s the way it goes, and think some people make a career of this Army.

I hope everything goes well at home. Don’t worry about me.

Love,

Robin

chulai This map shows Chu Lai, where Robin was when he wrote this letter. You can tell by reading this that letters from home were very important to Robin. I honestly don’t recall how often I wrote, but it is apparent that my parents wrote often. After days of traveling to a whole new world, there is not one complaint in this letter. (Well, about his stolen camera, but even that was taken in stride!)

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I am finding so much information on the internet about Robin’s division, and even websites on which he is mentioned, I’m a bit on information overload at the moment. I will end for today. Check back tomorrow for another Letter from Robin.   signature

Letters from Robin – Brotherly Advice

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I thought in this week leading up to Memorial Day that I would share some of the letters we received from my brother Robin while he served in the US Army in Vietnam.

Robin entered the Army in September,1967 after having graduated from North Penn High School in Lansdale, PA. Entering the service was Robin’s choice and according to my mother, what he felt he needed to do after high school.

Robin wrote regularly we have a box of letters from September 1967 – March 1969. His last letter written just two days before his death.

The first letter I thought I would share was sent to me. It was very exciting for me to get mail from my brother so far away. I was very proud of Robin. I was in 5th grade at the time. You might be able to see that I wrote my teachers name and room number on the envelope!

It is pretty amazing that I have kept track of this letter all these years! It has moved with me to Paul Smith’s, NY, Northern, VA, back home to PA, to Orlando, FL and back to PA again. I never really took care to preserve it in anyway, it was just always with a few “sentimentally important” keepsakes!

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I have typed the body of the letter below. I love his big brotherly advice about learning all I can in school and not smoking too! You can see by this letter he had compassion for the people of South Vietnam, and a recurring theme in his letters to our family was the children. I recall sending bags of candy for him to give to the kids when we sent packages.

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Martha,

Hi, how are things going at home? How’s school, do you like it or not this year? You try your best and learn as much as you can because you have the opportunity that alot of people in the world don’t have.

You would probably like to know what the kids are like over her. Well around this part of the country they don’t have any school. The kids help out in the fields harvesting rice and they take out the cows and water buffalo they have in the day to graze. They have to watch the cows all day because they don’t have fences. They aren’t afraid of the cows either. It’s funny when  you see a little kid even smaller than you beating a big water buffalo because it’s trying to wander off from the rest of them. the cows never turn and try to attack the kids, they know who the boss is.

The kids usually walk around with no shoes or just some old shower shoes. They start smoking cigarettes when they are young too. I wouldn’t suggest  you do it though, these people don’t know any better.

There’s a village at the bottom of the hill I’m on and every time we go out on a patrol or come back at the end of the day kids come running out to see us. The try to sell sodas and candles to us most of the time, that’s how they make money.

I really feel sorry for these people because they have very few of the things that we take for granted. They are dirty and have many diseases that if we caught would kill us, they have been living with them so long it doesn’t affect them anymore.

If you have any questions you would like to ask about this country or the people just write me and I’ll try to answer them.

 Your big brother,

Rob

As we approach Memorial Day her in the USA, please take time to remember those fallen heroes from all of our wars and conflicts. If your community has a Memorial Day celebration take time out of your day to attend. I love that we have several location Memorial Day celebrations in our area, including one in downtown Lansdale. There is also a small ceremony on the grounds of the high school that Robin attended (it is now a middle school), that honor the fallen heroes from North Penn High School in Vietnam and more recently those in the Middle East.

I am also excited that a local American Legion Post, Hatfield Post 933 is hosting the The Vietnam Veteran’s Moving Wall from June 27, 2013 – July 1, 2013. If you are local and have not seen The Wall in Washington, DC or have family members who have not, I encourage you to take advantage of this unique experience! The post’s address is 2100 Koffel Rd, Hatfield, PA 19440.

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Virtual GNO – Party On!

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I had all good intentions of coming home from work on Friday and blogging for Virtual Night Out over at Ann Again and Again, but Friday evening turned into early Saturday morning!

I saw a really YUMMY cocktail over there. One I might just indulge in on Saturday night since I don’t have to be back at work for a full 96 hours.

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Once 3pm on Saturday rolls around, I don’t go back in until 3pm on Wednesday! I normally don’t like working the evening shift but we are having a Night at the W™ at Walgreens and since I am the “Sr Beauty Advisor” I wanted to be there.

Since my weekend really doesn’t start until tomorrow, I didn’t want to get too comfy and settle in this evening! Tara’s been holding a 90210 marathon so I watched a couple episodes with her and then headed to bed!

I didn’t want to miss Ann’s party though, so here’s a great tune! Tara LOVES music, she has a pretty eclectic taste from what might be called metal or hardcore to pop rock. This band “Of Monsters and Men” is from Iceland and are considered an indie folk/pop band. I really like the mood of this song! I hope you enjoy!

Now for a cocktail, something a little different!

Lavender Margarita

  • 2 oz. silver tequila
  • 1/2 oz. Cointreau
  • 1 oz. lavender simple syrup
  • 1/2 lime
  • sugar
  • dried lavender
 DIRECTIONS
In a shaker, combine 2 oz. silver tequila, 1/2 oz. Cointreau, 1 oz.simple syrup and the juice of half a lime and let sit.
On a plate, mix the sugar and dried lavender and use it to rim the outside of a rocks glass.
Fill the glass with ice. Shake and strain the contents of the strainer into the glass.

 

GAME TIME!
Let’s say we’re famous.  Let’s say we’re invited to an important formal event.  Fill in the blanks using the chart prompts.
I was drinking champagne and getting ready for my big night out. After putting on my (#1)LAVENDER CHIFFON gown I noticed a huge stain on the front. I screamed at my assistant to find another dress immediately. In this town, at this time of day, all she could find last minute was a (#2)BROWN VELOUR JUMPSUIT! (Hey at least I’d be comfy!)
I took what I could get and made the best of it. And it turns out I rocked it! I was on everybody’s Best Dressed list. It probably had nothing to do with the fact that my date was (#3)RYAN GOSLING! (Johnny and Channing were already other wise engaged!)#1 First letter of the city you live in:A – E = Red Sequined
F – J = Silver Sheath
K – O = Lavender Chiffon
P – T = Black Strapless
U – Z = White Silk

#2 Month you were born:

Jan. – Mar. = Brown Velour Jumpsuit
Apr. – June = Purple MuuMuu
July – Sep. = Orange Housecoat
Oct. – Dec. = Yellow Swimsuit Cover-Up

#3 First letter of your first name:

A – E = George Clooney
F – J = Hugh Jackman
K – O = Ryan Gosling
P – T = Johnny Depp
U – Z = Channing Tatum

I was never a big fan of American Idol. We (Tara) got big time into the Adam Lambert craze after he won Idol. (I have to say I did as well, I enjoyed and still do enjoy his music.) We watched the next season, Tara even had a Twitter friendship with one of the contestants, Alex Ryan, who was voted off early. She was disappointed early on that her favs were gone, and we never really got into the next season!

 
So that’s my party for this week! I guess I should try and get a couple more hours of sleep! It’s 4:51 am and I need to be at work at 8:00am! I’ve been sleeping better that past few nights, but not very long. There’s still “stuff’ going on in our household causing some stress, but slowing we are getting some help. Resolution might take some time!

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Random Tuesday Thoughts

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I’m still in the midst of a mess with Tara and school. I have probably already shared more than Tara would like, so I won’t go into much detail. We had a rough start to the week, but getting the help that she needs. The school is no necessarily make it easy, but why would they, nothing is easy. I’m still doing the one step forward, two step back dance!

Things have calmed a bit with my mother. I am not sure if an “official” diagnosis is what helped or whether she just realized this needed to be between Tara and I. Maybe a combination. I do think last week she was also in a bit of pain with her arthritis acting up.

We had a nice Mother’s Day weekend. Nothing extravagant, but Mom got to spend time with family.I think that is what she needed.  My nephew, Chad,  stopped by on Friday and had dinner with Mom and I, On Saturday my sister, brother-in-law and I went out to breakfast with her. Larry’s treat since the rest of us were mothers! Sunday she had brunch at my nephew’s house. Chad and his wife Tasha like to entertain and are great cooks, so she got to spend time with Linda and Larry again too. Tonight she went out to dinner with a group of ladies from church. It is good for her to socialize.

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I WORKED on Mother’s Day. Two of the three mother’s worked. I am not complaining. I offered so one of my co-workers could spend time with her family. I was home by 6:00 and the day went pretty quickly! Most people were making last minute purchases of Mother’s Day cards! I didn’t get a card, actually I barely got a Happy Mother’s Day. The girl just isn’t into Hallmark moments. If Jack and Kovu could write, or get to the store, I’d like to think they would have gotten me this card!

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Tara has had a friend visiting from NJ. He is visiting his dad, but spends most of his time with Tara. It was a break for me, that she had someone to “entertain” her this weekend!They have been friends since 8th grade. He goes back home tomorrow.

I can’t wait until the weekend. The new Star Trek movie comes out on Friday!! Chris Pine (sigh!)

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We have had some nice weather. It has gotten chilly again. I am hoping we continue to have a cool to moderate “spring” and we don’t go right into the hot weather!

Did you know you can get your Instagram pictures printed at Walgreens? They are so cute. 4′ x 4″ square photos. A flashback to the old instamatic photos from the 60s! You can sent them to Walgreens directly from your smart phone using the Walgreens app!

Can you believe Memorial Day is just two weeks away? I am totally just taking one day at a time right now, but it really is hard to believe summer is almost here.

Well, that’s it for now. I wish I had better blog “fodder” but life is pretty much consumed with the stuff going on with Tara. I’ve not really had time to do much for myself!

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Stacy

Six Word Saturday – The drama continues

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Why are teenage girls so complicated?

Join in the fun and visit Cate at Show my Face!

Last Saturday, I wanted to runaway, and runaway I think I should have done just that! I also want to apologize if any of your are return visitors who commented last week for not commenting back…

The week just got worse.

Sunday Tara wanted to get out and walk around, so we headed out in search of something to do.

On the way, I made the mistake of asking if she intended to follow through with NEVER returning to school. Her answer was YES. I tried to talk to her about it, I mean her one responsibility is school, and it is my parental (and legal) obligation to make sure she is educated until. she is 18. What she wanted was an day out and not to talk about it at all. I should have waited for her cue to discuss the subject.

The rest of the afternoon and evening were not pretty. Much of the “ranting” was done in texts, and they are actually pretty painful to re-read.

I have spent the best part of this week in a heightened state of anxiousness myself.

I do not like arguing, I do not like people upset with me. I do not like upsetting or disappointing people and this is all this week seemed to bring.

Monday was the WORST day. True to her word, NO SCHOOL. I had sent the principal a long email, and left him a voice mail. He returned my call with a voice mail, and stated that he would be sending the school district “Home Visitor” out aka the “Truant Officer”.

To make matters worse, my mother said some hurtful things when I explained to her that I was done fighting with Tara about this, my next step was to seek some type of counseling for her, and let the school do what they must. She said Tara was the QUEEN and just wanted things her way and people to do things for her. Tara heard these comments and took off out of the house, in the rain in bare feet, shorts and a T-Shirt.

I got her to get in the car with me, and we drove around. I totally get that Tara is being more than difficult right now, but those comments were not called for by my mother.

We have more than extended family member that has suffered from and been professionally treated for anxiety and stress related issues, and addiction issues as well (Tara’s father for one.) I don’t understand why she can’t admit that this is not all about Tara just hating school and being defiant. I mean she is relentless in her stand that school makes her SICK. I personally in her shoes, if I was just trying to get out of physically going to school every day, would have given up long ago. This is exhausting for us all.

I called on my sister, who thankfully works an over night shift and was available to text me. I try not to call on her for “drama” as she tries her best to be SWITZERLAND, but I needed some one to talk too. She came over and for the first time in weeks of all of this I broke down. She talked to me, tried to talk to Tara and for me at that point talked to my Mom. I hate stressing my mother, but this day, she over stepped with the hurtful comments.

The home visitor came, talked to both of us. Offered a smaller district alternative school (to which Tara answered NO), he told Tara that in PA, she can’t drop out of school at 16. Good news for me, a blow to Tara’s plan I think.

I am so thankful for my manager at work, he is being very flexible with me. I am not missing work, just having to adjust my arrival and departure times. I do not want to miss work. It is my safe place! People there who care about ME, who I can share how this is all making ME feel, and who all have a different perspective.

I worked diligently to find a mental health provider who could see Tara. The best I could do was TUESDAY of this next week. UGH! I mean she is not a danger to herself, it is not like that, but there is stuff going on. She does not like talking to other people about “stuff” but this is the final step I feel I need to take to follow this through as far as I can.

No school Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. Things happened, more stress.

Wednesday I offered to work a “split shift” at work when someone called out for the evening shift. It helped the store and it had it’s advantages for me. I was able to go home, collect Tara and head out for some food shopping and just to get her out of the house and out of my mother’s way.

Apparently when Tara is home, my mother feels she is IN THE WAY?  Nice thing to say about your granddaughter! When Tara is home, she mostly stays in her room or sits on the sofa watching TV. She will prepare herself food. This seems to be where the most conflict occurs the FREAKING kitchen. It’s not a large kitchen, and the two of them are unable to occupy that space at the same time!

We had a decent few hours. I bought and prepared salmon for dinner (Tara is a “vegetarian” but will on occasion eat fish) and headed back to work around 6:30 until 10:30.

I was off on Thursday, hoping with continued phone calls to possibly get an earlier counseling appointment. It was at that time that I received an email from the principal tha basically said “we appreciate your efforts with Tara, but we must know by tomorrow if she will continue to be educated at NP, or be enrolled in another program. If neither, then they would have no option but to turn the case over to the county children & Youth Services!

I was not surprised, I am not really sure what seeing the counselor will do to help Tara’s case for not physically going to school As bad as school makes her feel, I don’t think there is a case for “home bound” education for the remainder of the school year.

CYS being involved is not totally a bad thing, but the intrusion would not be pleasant. Home visits, mandatory counseling, and what ever their decision would be on Tara’s education I believe until she graduates, would be under their control. All of it taken out of my hands!  Years ago a family member went through a very similar situation, and for that time it was probably the best thing that could have happened.

I spent some time talking to my sister, at her house. I was feeling very trapped and just needed to be out. Once I came home, I broke the news to Tara. She took it amazingly well. Again, the decision was hers to make. She agreed at that time to go to school on Friday. (This was around noon.)

We headed out, just to get out. It was a beautiful day. Tara LOVES being in the car, talking (or sometimes being quiet) and listening to her music. We made a stop at a thrift store, and then just drove. We laughed that it took us 2 hours to find a Burger King (they serve veggie burgers) I learned from my mistake on Sunday and did NOT bring up the subject. I would wait until she was ready. There were a few comments “I really don’t want to go to school”, but I just kept my eyes on the road and did not react at all.

We finally returned home for a bit before her bass lesson. After which we went to a park and did a little walking and some more talking about everything BUT school. After we came home a few more comments were made, and then about 10:30 just as i go in bed the text I had been dreading all day came. “I just can’t do it.” I calmly texted, you really need too. A few more calm texts were exchanged and then they stopped.

The plan was I get her up at 6am, and before she would go to school we would head to the lab for some blood work that had been ordered. I was so dreading 6am. I did not know what she went to sleep thinking. I slept well for about 3 hours, but then I was awake, myself getting more and more anxious. Pretty darned close to a panic attack in the shower. I kept hearing a friends’s words “Just breathe”.

At 6am I delivered her a cup of coffee and woke her up. She turned her head the other way. I gave her 10 minutes and went in to see if she was awake. Yes, she was. I walked away and the rest was up to her. In a few minutes she was up, she came in my room, flopped on my bed, and said “I do’t feel like doing “stuff”". I did not engage. She got up and finished getting ready, and the rest of the morning went as planned. I dropped her at school after the lab and a quick breakfast on the run, and I myself headed into work 1 1/2 hrs late!

At 10:47 I got the text I didn’t want to see “I can’t do this, I want to go home”. I DID not respond. That was HUGE for me. I had agreed that I would take my lunch break and pick her up from school so she did not have to ride the bus or walk home by herself. We did not discuss her day, just some possible evening plans, and I dropped her at home.

I came home, not knowing how the evening would go. Fortunately she had been asked to go to our town’s First Friday, and she had made the decision to go. First she and a friend were going to stop by another friend’s house who apparently had attempted to kill herself on Monday. Her cell was turned off, and they wanted to check on her. She is okay, but in a local facility right now. The I took Tara to meet up with the other friends.

I am hoping this evening is the “ice breaker” that she needs to mend the relationship between her and her BFF from the past year. The relationship broke down when the other girl started dating a boy who she now admits changed her. They are no longer together, and according to Tara, she is back to her old self. I hope their friendship can be salvaged!

Tara actually spent the night away from home with another friend who they were with. We’ve gone full circle…. this was a friend who Tara was close too in 8th grade, and the relationship changed over time, and it broke down.

Teen girls go through so many changes, figuring out where they fit, who they are, etc. It is amazing any of them have long term friendships! Tara seems to cycle about every 12 months.

So that is where we are today. I need to work today and I am off tomorrow. What will Sunday bring, when Tara is again faced with going to school on Monday? Will the events of the weekend help her feel better about being in school? I do not know and I am bracing for the next wave!

The drama is not over for sure. There are still about six weeks of school. I have moments that I feel complete defeat and frustration, but I am trying to keep my head up!

Love and lattes,

Martha

 

 

VGNO – Express Yourself

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It’s Friday… I have to work tomorrow, but these past weeks work has been my safe haven, the place for me to get away from the insanity that has taken over my home.The joys of being the parent of a teen!

I am not going to but a damper on the party, I will save this week’s story for another post. I am just happy I have a little respite from the craziness tonight. My daughter was out for the evening and is spending the night at a friends!

Ann, our hostess with the most-ess for VGNO is the best. I can’t express how much I appreciate our internet friendship. We may not be in contact on a regular basis, but it seems when one of us is going through something the other steps in with just the right word. In recent months we have “bonded” over losing a dear pet and raising a teen age daughter!

Ann Again...and Again

Enough, it is time to party!

How about a grown up capri sun! (I found this picture on several blogs, I am not sure where it originated)

Bag O’ Vodka Lemonade

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1 cup sugar
1/3 cup water, plus 8 cups
4 lemons, juiced
Vodka
Ice cubes
Directions
In a saucepan, combine the sugar and 1/3 cup water and place over medium heat. Bring the mixture to a boil, then cook the sugar until dissolved but the syrup is still clear. Do not cook the sugar until it starts to turn color. Remove from heat and cool.

In a pitcher, combine the syrup, 8 cups water, the lemon juice, vodka and ice and stir to combine. Pour into zip lock sandwich bags and freeze.
From www.foodnetwork.com

I <3 me some early Madonna. I was in my “clubbing’ days in the early to mid 80s! Here’s a link, I’m not getting the embedding to work and I’m getting frustrated!

http://youtu.be/GsVcUzP_O_8

I have to admit I was a wee bit obsessed with the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I <3 Johnny Depp. I think we saw the first one three times in the theater and own it on DVD! We also had a little craze over the Star Trek movie in 2009. Can you say CHRIS PINE? Tara and I saw that one FIVE times in the theater and I am so excited that the latest  one is coming out in just a couple weeks!

Well, I’m having a really hard time keeping my eyes open. I actually dozed off typing this!

Night all

Love and lattes,

Martha

 

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